How To Get Your Boyfriend To Break Up With You

Clothing, Finger, Sleeve, Denim, Shoulder, Elbow, Jeans, Shirt, Hat, Textile,

Nobody likes having to break up with someone but it now seems people in China are willing to pay hard cash to get someone else to do their dirty work. According to a news story published today, companies have sprung up in China to offer a basic break-up package - where someone will deliver the bad news to the soon-to-be-dumped by phone, email or text, letting the dumper off the hook. The more deluxe service means the dumping gets done in person - with gifts to soften the blow. But until that service arrives here, I bring you my range of make-him-break-up with you shortcuts. And yes - they're absolutely free! Try one in isolation for a slow-burn effect, or go for three or four at once to really unseal the deal.

1. Tell him you're a fan of the non-wrinkled scrotum look. While holding your hair straighteners.
2. Practise signing your 'married name' signature on his napkin. On your first date.
3. Drop his iPad. Twice.
4. Change the screensaver on his phone to a picture of you and your new co-owned puppy. SUR-PRI-ISE!
5. Leave the receipt for the strap-on you've just ordered on his bedside table.
6. Every time your mum calls, hand the phone over to him. "For a catch up."
7. Tell him how weird it is that almost all of your exes are now living happily... As gay men.
8. Spell out 'LOVE YOU' in Alphabites.
9. Tell him your ideal wedding would be like Kim Kardashian's - only a bit more showy.
10. Refuse to share food.
11. Strike up an independent email conversation with his mum in week three.
12. Insist he starts getting itemised phone bills. Sent to you.
13. Arrange to meet him by the changing room in Ann Summers. Then don't turn up.
14. Ban him from stag dos.
15. Tell him to blank out his weekend for some special fun times. Then draw the curtains and produce your Gerard Butler DVD collection.
16. Shout, 'Harder, Terry Nutkins' during sex.
17. Book an official photography session - and make him wear the feather boa.
18. Tell him you're not the clingy type... while crying because he missed your call.
19. Ask if you can have some hair from his 'intimate area' for your memory box.
20. Make him wear gladiator sandals in summer.

Follow me on www.twitter.com/FionaCowood

Fiona Cowood I'm Cosmo's Content Director, most interested in the serious stuff - politics, news and campaigns.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io